Couples Therapy for Pursue-Withdraw Cycle & Men Who Shut Down · Online Therapy Colorado · Available Worldwide
Neither of you is the problem. The pattern is.
Structured, Gottman-informed therapy for couples caught in the pursue-withdraw cycle — one partner shuts down, the other keeps chasing connection. We name the pattern and build the skills to break it, including for couples where ADHD is part of the picture. Licensed in Colorado. Available worldwide.
Couples Therapy in Colorado
Virtual couples therapy in Colorado for partners who feel stuck in recurring conflict, want to reconnect with clarity and intention, and navigate stress or work-related burnout.
You're not fighting about the dishes, the schedule, or who said what. You're fighting because one of you goes silent and the other can't stop pushing — and neither of you knows how to break it.
That cycle has a name. And it can be interrupted.
Many of the couples I work with are also navigating ADHD — if that's part of your dynamic, you can read more about ADHD-specific couples work here.
Why Couples Keep Having the Same Argument
If you feel stuck in the same argument over and over, leaving each time feeling misunderstood and drained — it's rarely about the specific issue. It's about the cycle you can't quite interrupt. → Why are we always arguing about the dirty dishes?
When Your Partner Emotionally Shuts Down
If you feel like you're the only one trying while your partner withdraws, goes quiet, or shuts down — you are not alone. And if you're the one going silent, feeling flooded and overwhelmed — that makes sense too.
One partner experiences withdrawal as rejection. The other experiences pursuit as criticism. Reactions escalate quickly, and both feel justified. This cycle has a name. And it can be interrupted. → Why your partner shuts down during conflict
How we work with the Pursue-Withdraw Dynamic
We slow those moments down and examine what's happening beneath the surface — the defensiveness, the shutdown, the pursuit, the hurt that rarely gets named directly.
The ways you respond in conflict were learned somewhere. Most of us were never taught how to communicate in close relationships. We absorbed what we witnessed growing up, and those patterns travel quietly from one generation to the next. Find out more about the Pursue-Withdraw Cycle here.
Drawing from Gottman research and existential principles, you'll learn practical tools — slowing conflict down, structured timeouts, shifting from defensiveness to curiosity. We also pay attention to what's happening in the body. My Master's in Exercise Science informs this directly — conflict shows up physiologically, and developing somatic awareness allows both partners to interrupt automatic reactions and choose a more intentional response.
The goal isn't to eliminate conflict. It's to understand each other more accurately and stay connected through disagreement.
Ready to understand the cycle and actually change it? Schedule a free consultation — let's find out if we're a good fit.
How It Works
What to Expect When You Start
Getting started is straightforward. You reach out, we schedule a free 15-minute consultation to make sure we're a good fit, and then we begin.
From there, the first four sessions follow a clear structure:
Session 1 — We meet together. I want to hear what has brought you here.
Sessions 2 & 3 — I meet with each of you individually — to understand what each person is carrying into the relationship.
Session 4 — We come back together for your Gottman assessment results. We look at the strengths of your relationship and the areas that need work, using the Sound Relationship House as our map.
By the time we finish session four, we're not guessing. We know what we're working with.
Why Shannon
The Approach Behind the Work
I'm Shannon Duffy, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Colorado with a Master's in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and a Master's in Exercise Science.
My work with couples is informed by Gottman Method research, and by the work of Esther Perel and Terry Real — particularly around conflict, emotional patterns, and the ways people protect themselves inside intimate relationships.
The Exercise Science background isn't incidental. Conflict is physiological before it's verbal. Understanding what stress does to the body — and building the capacity to stay present under pressure — is central to how I work.
Commonly Asked Questions:
How do I know if couples therapy is right for us?
If you keep having the same argument, feel stuck in a pursue-withdraw pattern, or leave conversations feeling misunderstood, couples therapy can help you understand and interrupt the cycle.
Do you work with couples where one partner shuts down?
Yes. Many of the couples I work with struggle with one partner pursuing the conversation while the other withdraws, goes quiet, or feels overwhelmed during conflict. Depending on your needs, we may meet as a couple, individually, or use a combination of both. Sometimes individual sessions are helpful while keeping the relationship as the primary focus.
Why couples keep having the same argument?
Many of the couples I work with are also navigating ADHD — if that's part of your dynamic, you can read more about ADHD-specific couples work here.
Do both partners need to attend every session?
Not necessarily. Most couples attend together, but there are times when meeting individually can help move the work forward. We'll decide together what makes the most sense for your situation.
What does the first month of couples therapy look like?
The first four sessions follow a structured assessment process. We start with a joint session, then I meet with each partner individually, and finish with a full Gottman-based assessment of your relationship's strengths and growth areas. By session four, we have a clear picture of what we're working on and why — not just a list of complaints.
Do you offer virtual couples therapy in Colorado?
Yes. I provide online couples therapy to clients throughout Colorado.
What if my partner is hesitant about therapy?
That's common. Many people worry they'll be blamed or judged. My goal is to help both partners understand the pattern they're caught in—not decide who's right or wrong.
How long does couples therapy usually take?
It depends on your goals and the patterns you're working to change. Some couples come for a few months to address a specific issue, while others choose longer-term work to strengthen their relationship. My goal is to help you build enough understanding and momentum to get you out of couple's therapy! We gradually move from weekly sessions, to biweekly, and eventually to monthly check-ins as needed.
Shannon Duffy, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
License LPC.0021990
Virtual Therapy
Structured, intentional therapy for couples. Schedule a Consultation