Couples Therapy for Pursue-Withdraw Cycle & Men Who Shut Down · Online Therapy Colorado · Available Worldwide
Neither of you is the problem. The pattern is.
Structured, Gottman-informed therapy for couples caught in the pursue-withdraw cycle — one partner shuts down, the other keeps chasing connection. We name the pattern and build the skills to break it, including for couples where ADHD is part of the picture. Licensed in Colorado. Available worldwide.
When ADHD Is the Third Person in Your Relationship
If you're in a relationship where ADHD is part of the picture, you already know the arguments look a little different. It's not just about communication — it's forgotten conversations, mismatched energy levels, one partner feeling like a parent instead of a partner, and both of you exhausted by patterns that don't respond to the advice that works for other couples. I work with many couples navigating ADHD alongside communication and conflict patterns, using the same structured, Gottman-based approach I use across my practice.
I work with couples navigating ADHD regularly — it's a significant part of who I see in my practice, not a side specialty. That includes couples where only one partner has ADHD, and couples where both partners do — the dynamic and the tools look different depending on which is true for you, and I tailor the work accordingly.
Two patterns show up especially often. The first is a parent-child dynamic — one partner tracking, reminding, and managing while the other feels criticized no matter how gently something is raised, and both end up resentful of the role they're stuck in. The second is rejection sensitive dysphoria — a heightened, often painful reaction to perceived criticism or rejection that can turn an ordinary comment into a spiral, and that partner's response can look like overreaction when it's actually a nervous system responding to something very real. Neither pattern means something is wrong with either of you. Both are workable once you can name them.
My approach is coaching-based and practical: we identify what's actually happening in your specific dynamic, build systems and communication tools that work with an ADHD brain instead of against it, and practice new responses together in session, not just talk about them.
This work often overlaps with the pursue-withdraw pattern I specialize in — one partner reaching for connection or follow-through, the other feeling overwhelmed and shutting down or checking out. If that sounds familiar, you're not the only couple dealing with it, and it's very workable.
Not in a relationship right now, or looking for individual support with ADHD instead? I work with individuals too — reach out and we can talk about what fits.